Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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