If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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