if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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