Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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