This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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