i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
