You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
