I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
