what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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