how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My feet surprised me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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