I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
