That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
