...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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