Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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