Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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