I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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