He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is classic penis vs brain.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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