Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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