ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
