my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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