how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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