they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
