I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
