I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Still dying that you shit outside
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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