i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
