If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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