I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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