I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
