Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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