if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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