Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
