I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
