What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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