You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
