My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
