Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
