your room smells of hookers.
And success
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You're like the curious george of whores
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my liver is dry heaving
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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