I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
