the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
