I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
