right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
