just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
