When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i believe in u and ur pee
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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