Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
