you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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