They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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