How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
