I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
