I seem to have left my pride at pride
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize