I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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