Tell her she can't have a vagina
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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