New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
