just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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