he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
