I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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