Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
