we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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