Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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