You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
