Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
