You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
