if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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