Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think i got beer on your cat.
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