Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
