You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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