i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
