Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
