I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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