why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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