it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
