did you get engaged???
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
