how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She needs sedatives and a leash
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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