Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
please come you make the beer taste better
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
