I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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