just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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