After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
