Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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