I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His nipple licking is glorious
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