I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
